


Naked Time

by EloraRiker (ThisIsMyTruthTellMeYours)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, Humor, Letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:33:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22427131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsMyTruthTellMeYours/pseuds/EloraRiker
Summary: A short letter from Spock to all the fanfiction writers out there, who insist in portraying him Out of Character. Drabble. Probably letters from other characters soon. Reviews are welcome.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13





	Naked Time

**_DISCLAIMER:_ ** _The ideas are mine, the characters are not. But we do spend so much time together..._

* * *

Fanfiction writers,

I fail to understand why there are over 800 romantic stories featuring myself as the main character on this website. Your need to occupy yourselves with the writing of fictional stories is difficult enough to understand, but tales of my secret love for Lieutenant Valeris are clearly delusional. She was a spy. Surely if I ever decided to "embrace my human side" as some of you so eloquently put it, that was not the way I was going to go.

I do not have _feelings_ for Lieutenant Uhura, either. Emotions are alien to me, as I am sure I have stated before. Saavik is always going to be my pupil. She is a friend – a word whose meaning none of you hormone-driven writers seem to fathom. I do admire her, but she _does not_ make my concentration flutter when she walks into the bridge. _Even_ when her long brown hair lays loose over her shoulders. In fact, if I should ever see her like that again, I would advise her it is against uniform regulations.

I must add that rumours of my undying passion for nurse Chapel are greatly exaggerated. She _does not_ make my heart skip a beat. Yes, I am sure. I am certain I would be aware of such a distracting arrhythmia. I would apply the electroshock treatments myself. I respect her as a competent nurse and the only sentient being I know capable of the stoic effort of spending several hours in the company of Doctor McCoy. The good doctor is, I suspect, the responsible for a great number of those rumours. I shall have to have a talk with him.

I did not know the term "slash". I have discovered 436 stories under that designation. That is why I must insist: I am _not_ a homosexual. And given the number of times I caught young alien women rearranging their clothes outside Captain Kirk's quarters, I assure you, neither is he.

Dif tor heh smusma

Lieutenant-Commander Spock

Science Officer, Starship Enterprise

* * *

**_Author's Note_ ** _: I meant for this to be funny,... It wasn't meant to be taken that seriously, nor was it meant to annoy fans of Spirk. Finally a protest from Spock for the number of fics in which he's clearly, out-of-character._

_**LLAP** _


End file.
